


To Avoid Dehydration in a Fur Coat

by SagiDraconis



Series: One Piece, One Shot [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alabasta Arc, Comedy, Miss All Sunday - Freeform, One Shot, Pre-Canon, Random - Freeform, dehydration is bad, drink water kids, why crocodile why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23912899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SagiDraconis/pseuds/SagiDraconis
Summary: Miss All Sunday gets concerned about the health of her employer, and decides to take matters into her own hands. After all, who wears a fur coat in a desert?One shot.
Series: One Piece, One Shot [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756921
Kudos: 17





	To Avoid Dehydration in a Fur Coat

Footsteps echoed in the darkness.

The man strained against the bars of the cage. No avail. Seastone was notoriously hard to break after all. Especially to a mere grunt.

"Hah hah hah hah…"

He couldn't tell where the grating laugh came from, no matter how often he span his head around.

A bananagator winked at him, before drifting back out of sight.

"Do you have any idea what you have done?"

The man recoiled as a man materialised in a plume of sand. Crocodile, one of the infamous seven warlords of the sea, smirked at him, "Well. Do you?"

"N...n-n-no! Not at all sir!"

"My...how disappointing." The hook slammed against the bars of the cage, catching the whimpering man's shirt on its well polished hook, "You seem to have forgotten how you infiltrated my operation, and almost managed to leak my meticulously crafted plans in a _bar_."

"I-I WAS DRUNK! It was a...uh...slip of the tongue!"

"A slip of the tongue you say?" Crocodile's gaze lingered just too long on the shaking man's mouth, "Well, how about I remove that dangerous muscle of yours."

"Please! No!"

"Sir."

Oh not her. Scowling, Crocodile glared over his shoulder, "What, Miss All Sunday? As you can see, I'm quite busy."

Miss All Sunday smiled her enigmatic smile, raising a glass of water, "It is time for your hourly glass of water, sir."

"As I said, I'm busy!"

"That is no reason to be at risk of dehydration."

He hissed, throwing the now bawling man to the back of the cage. Turning on his heel, he marched towards Miss All Sunday and the glass of water in her hand, "I thought I told you to _never_ disturb me like this. You are getting a little too confident, Nico Robin."

She held out the glass, "I noticed you left many previous glasses untouched, so I felt that a bit of encouragement was necessary."

"I need neither encouragement nor a glass of water. Now leave me be!" He dematerialised his hand, sending it spinning in a mini sandstorm, "My devil fruit means that I don't need moisture, so stop hassling me!"

Her brow furrowed, "Even if you have a devil fruit, you are still human and thus have the limits of a regular human being."

"I drank a glass of wine during lunch! That has water in it."

"Indeed, that does have a water content of 85%. However wine cannot combat the symptoms of dehydration." A hand sprouted inside her jacket, handing her a small notepad and pen. "Even if you exclude the obvious symptoms of dry skin, irritability-"

"I am not irritable!"

"-and sunken eyes, there are many other things that have led me to believe that I should enforce your water intake."

Oh she didn't… Crocodile groaned as she set down the glass and started flipping through the pages.

"You have had 48 headaches this past week alone," She raised an eyebrow at him, "Which is almost 10 more than the count for last week."

"I have been under a lot of stress-"

"Stress that was caused by not sleeping well at night by only obtaining an average of 3 to 4 hours of sleep, typically between 1 AM and 4 AM."

"You…" He bristled, "How dare you spy on me…"

"Not to mention that the times you have relieved yourself has decreased from 4 times, to only once. And not much urine was produced."

"YOU FOLLOWED ME TO THE BATHROOM?!"

"From which, I conclude that you are dehydrated." Her eyes narrowed, "Which is why you really need to drink your water, sir."

He spluttered, red faced. Not even he was sure if the flush was from embarrassment or pure seething rage at the major breach in privacy. "Nico...Robin…"

No, it was definitely from anger.

"Sir, please. We do not wish for you to burst a blood vessel." Ever Miss Calm-And-Collected.

"You have overstepped your bounds!" He snarled.

"It is hardly presumptuous of me to worry about my employer's health."

"This sort of behaviour was not in your contract!"

"And to fulfil that contract, I need you to be at full health." She lowered her head dangerously, "How else would I get to find out where the Poneglyph is."

He marched forwards, brandishing his hook towards the man in the cage, "You dare speak that word out loud?!"

She sighed, "I don't see why it matters. You were never going to let that man leave this room alive, were you?"

"N-n-no!!" The poor man moaned, banging his fists against the bars, "I have a wife and kids! They...uh...Just think of my kids!"

Crocodile gritted his teeth. She was too smart for her own good. Who knew what sort of information that notebook held, and how many ways his enemies could exploit it.

Clenching his fists, a decision was made.

The notebook had to go.

He knew that Nico Robin would be a difficult person to outsmart. If he was being honest with himself, there was a high chance that she was just as calculating as he was. This would not be an easy task.

"Even so," the woman in question sighed, "This would all be a lot easier if you wore attire more suitable to arid climates."

At this, he abruptly raised his head, "And tell me, what exactly is wrong with the way I dress."

"Sir...You wear a fur coat in a desert country."

"And so do you!" He yelled back, gesturing to her long white coat.

"This is only fur trimmed instead of being made wholly of fur. Besides-" she shifted her weight to reveal the purple cleavage-revealing corset and cowgirl miniskirt- "I feel that my outfit allows for more airflow than yours."

His eyebrow twitched. What was wrong with a collared shirt and waistcoat? Those lightweight rags of the Alabasta citizens were too undignified for him, and he'd be damned if he let anyone touch his cravat. "I am not changing the way I dress."

"I assumed as much." She mused, "Therefore, regular water breaks are a necessity."

The notebook was back in her pocket. It would be difficult, but if he timed it right he could snatch it without her even noticing.

"I can absorb moisture from other sources, Miss All Sunday." He slowly walked closer.

He couldn't show panic. She was an observant one after all. Any change in his demeanor and she would be onto him in a second.

"Sir, you are not a plant."

Almost there...

The glass of water got thrust in his face.

"I cannot understand why you are so reluctant to drink, sir."

Oh she knew full well why. If he drank water, he was vulnerable for a brief period of time. He despised the very notion of that happening. One moment of weakness, and someone would stab him in the back.

Just what was this woman planning? She had been suggesting this all week, and it was starting to grate on his already shredded nerves.

"Sir, drink the water."

Perhaps it was-

"It is not poisoned." She took a small sip to prove it, "You see?"

Fine… he would accept that. But still. She was being very insistent.

There was no chance that this was not part of some scheme she concocted.

"All I ask, sir, is that you drink some water. It would not do for Mr 0 to die before Operation Utopia finally begins after all these years."

"I am _not_ going to die." He gestured for a wave of sand.

After all, if the glass was shattered he would not have to drink.

Robin sighed, "I was afraid you were going to do that. Mille Fleur!"

Hands sprouted from the ceiling, lifting the glass out of his reach without spilling a single drop.

"Please sir, this country is in drought. Water is a highly coveted resource."

"Then stop forcing me to drink the blasted liquid!" He raised his arm again, making the sand double back on itself to shoot towards that damn glass of water.

More hands spouted, passing the glass between itself, "Sir. Please restrain yourself. You are going to get another headache."

He was going to get one right now if she didn't hold her tongue! "Just keep still!"

The ceiling was a mess of nimble hands and sand. Even the bananagators in their tank gaped in awe at the impressive display.

"This is getting a little childish, sir. Especially in front of your esteemed guest."

The man whimpered, still cowering in that corner.

Crocodile grimaced. Damn...he'd forgotten about that worm. How undignified. "Fine. I'll drink your water."

Her enigmatic smile widened as the glass dropped down into her awaiting hand, "Thank you, sir. All your agents are grateful."

He grunted, downing the contents in one gulp and tossing the empty glass aside.

"Excellent." Her notebook was open once more as she jotted something down, "I expect you to have drank another glass within two hours."

"Like hell I will…" he grumbled under his breath.

"And just in case you have any ideas of stealing this…" She turned the cover of the notebook towards him, revealing a large, blinking blue eye.

He grimaced. What a troublesome woman. It was fortunate she was on his side. For the most part at least.

"Now, I have done as you've asked. Let me complete my interrogation."

"If it is who exactly he spilled his secrets to, they're already dead?"

He grimaced, "Huh?"

"I killed them as soon as they left the bar." She waved a lazy hand as she left, "It was merely a civilian, but one can never be too careful. It wouldn't do for an outsider knowing our plans, would it Mr Crocodile?"

Yes. She was a useful ally.

He smirked as the trapdoor in the base of the cage opened up, sending the miserable wretch of a man tumbling to the bananagator cage below. The screams were instantaneous.

Useful, yet he would be a fool if he thought that making him drink water made her trustworthy.

Trust was never part of the equation. For either of them.


End file.
